EDITOR’S NOTE: With the Pioneer’s server upgrade, we missed Neal Lemery’s “words of wisdom” from June 13, 2025. It’s always a good time to reflect on what it means to be a father, and how we need to bring more attention to men’s health — mental and physical.
By Neal Lemery
Father’s Day seems to only be an American custom of going through the motions of making an annual nod to the role of fathers and the state of fatherhood in this country. Yet, we don’t talk about the real issues and concerns we should be addressing on this “special day for dads”. We don’t have much in the way of national or community celebrations or observances. The few rituals are focused on barbecues, and perhaps attending a sporting event, the sending of a card, or the giving the cliché gift of a tie.
I suggest we need a serious examination of how we support fathers and how fathers can improve their fatherhood skills, topics that aren’t now on the national “to do” list. Do we really take fatherhood seriously? Are we even willing to talk about it? Or is it just a Sunday in June when the weather is conducive for a family barbeque?
There are many challenges to be a father these days, and the perils and rewards of good parenting and also being the good son or daughter are often treated with silence and indifference. Instead, the day is marked with a great silence, as if we don’t know what we really want to say, that we really haven’t given much thought to the importance of fatherhood in our lives. Yet, the issues and challenges are formidable, and the effects of poor fatherhood ripple through our society with often deadly consequence.
Some observers of American society have taken the time to look, and to gather some alarming statistics on the state of fatherhood in 2025.
“Men are much more likely to die of COVID…. But the increase among American men in deaths from accidental overdoses since the beginning of the century has been absolutely huge. Since 2001 it has amounted to the loss of an additional 400,000 men. That’s about the number of men we lost in World War II.
“Men are more likely to die from cancer, from cardiovascular disease—from all kinds of things. We need an office of men’s health. The Affordable Care Act should have covered something similar to the Well Woman visit for men. There’s a lot that could be done. But we have to start by acknowledging that there’s a sort of fatalism about the life-expectancy gap.
“I’ve heard people say, ‘Well, men are bound to die younger,’ but that hasn’t always been true. Also the gap can be two years, it can be six years, it can be eleven years, depending on where and when you ask the question. There’s nothing automatic about the fact that men are dying so much younger than women.”
—Richard Reeves, author of Of Boys and Men: Why the Modern Man is Struggling, Why It Matters, and What to Do About It (2024).
In the 2020s, fewer men than women attend college, and women are more likely to enter professions. Boys are more likely to drop out of school.
Reeves also writes: “There needs to be more investment in male-friendly forms of education and learning. That could include apprenticeship, career and technical education, and also extracurriculars; these show better outcomes for boys and men. I’m very worried about the decline in participation in sports among boys, so maybe supporting some coaching initiatives. Also fatherhood programs, ways to keep fathers in their kids’ lives, especially if they’re not living with the children. And supporting men’s mental health generally. There is a suicide crisis among young men, who too often suffer from loneliness and disconnection.”
How can we support men and encourage them to be healthy and progressive fathers? How can we provide our youth with the tools to be the kind, thoughtful, and inquisitive kids that we want to see grow into healthy adults and become good citizens and parents?
Yes, we live in challenging times. And, yes, we are busy with our lives and often have difficulty in being good parents and family members. Yet, Fathers’ Day offers us a space to reflect, to ponder, and to have conversations on what good parenting is, what needs to happen in our work as parents and family members. Maybe there are some skills and some conversation topics that need to go on a list on the refrigerator. Maybe we take the time at the family barbeque to share our hopes and dreams, and to express some heartfelt gratitude about parenting and love and family.
Let’s make this Fathers’ Day a day of celebrating family love and the potential in each one of us to be a loving, kind, and thoughtful person.