by Neal Lemery
I sometimes think I’m insignificant, powerless to change my community, let alone change the world. I’m “just me”, and what I might think or do doesn’t really matter. Yet, I know better, and I see the ability affect change and reform every day in my life, if I take the time to pay attention.
The other day, I met with someone who was being challenged in doing some good work in their neighborhood. They were frustrated with how things were progressing, and not progressing. They reached out to me, thinking I could help them tap into the legal system, and achieve some justice.
Rather than pontificate, and lecture about the law, I chose instead to listen. Just listen. Rather than be the “know it all” and offer likely unproductive views on pathways in the law, I shut my mouth and opened my ears. My new friend had space to tell their story, and to be affirmed simply by my attentive and focused silence. They took several deep breaths and plunged in, not sparing any details, and telling me what they had experienced, and what they had done.
I affirmed them, with a new nods and a great deal of compassionate listening. It was a sad tale, of bureaucratic and corporate ineptitude and stupidity, of taking advantage of people who had limited resources, and limited experience in dealing with organized indifference. My friend and their neighbors had chosen to respond in positive ways, to gather together, and to organize themselves, planning their strategies and taking a proactive, collective response. They had an action plan, and were following through.
And, they were getting a response, a reaction from the indifferent corporation. Maybe not an outright confession of negligence, but the corporate giant was responding, and was taking some positive steps to remedy the situation. Progress was being made. And, my friend was able to see it, as I echoed their words back to them, pointing out their successes and their steady progress through the mire of bureaucratic bungling.
As we sipped our coffee, we both noticing their beginnings of a smile, a recognition of some successful work.
I was reminded of Jane Goodall’s now famous quote:
“You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you. What you do makes a difference and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make.”
My friend realized that their frustration over ineptitude was transformed, by them, into action, into building community strength, and into truly helping others better their lives. And, in that work, the world got a little brighter, and little more loving and kind. They did that, not by engaging the legal system, not by listening to me on my soapbox, but by their own actions, their own problem-solving skills, by them turning their whining and frustration into a plan of action, a plan of being kind and generous, in extending the hand of kindness and compassion to their neighbors.
We were seeing the power of affirmation, in all its glory, in all its simplicity and power, intentionally doing good, in being kind, in being attentive, in listening and responding. Being the agent of positive change, growth and progress.
I had held up a mirror to my friend, letting them see who they were, what they were doing, what they were accomplishing. We often don’t look in our mirrors, and see all that good. We always need to take care of ourselves, and recognize the good we are doing, the good that we are.
My new friend was exhausted, drained by this battle with the bureaucrats, and so we talked about self care, about managing their time and resources. We talked about this commitment to good community work being pared down some, by being limited to several hours a week. We realized that this good work could be rather effectively managed in just a few hours a week, and would give my friend time to focus on the good things in their life they wanted to do, rather than struggle against the stupidity of the corporation. They agreed, two hours a week would be enough, and would leave them time for their own lives.
It is OK to be kind to yourself, to take the time to do what you love.
I listened, and listened hard, not being distracted by other people in the room, or my own plans for the day. What mattered in the moment was them, their story, and their life. I was here to listen, to validate, to affirm, and to encourage. To do some needed community building. And, sometimes, that simple act of being there for someone is the most important thing one can do for today.
Books: NEW book – Recharging Ourselves, Building Community: Rural Voices for Hope and Change; Finding My Muse on Main Street, Homegrown Tomatoes, and Mentoring Boys to Men