By Adam Sawyer
Today, I facilitated my first “Life After Loss” gathering at The Grief House in Portland. I am ever enlivened and further convinced with each such presentation or conversation that this is my truest trajectory. From today’s guided reflection…
“In losing our partners, we have lost parts of ourselves. And to an extent, part of, and a version of us died with them.”
Spring is about growth and becoming. It’s also about renewal, regeneration, and cycles starting over. But with the loss of a partner, what does that look like? Who are we now? What’s next for us, how do we get there, and how long will it take?
Among the many things that my time spent grieving and healing in spring has taught me is that not all of nature’s cycles are equal, comprehensible, or, by human empathetic assessment, remotely fair. Some, like the changing of the seasons, are more reliable with regard to timing and execution. But others can be ambiguous and dependent upon any number of variables, both known and unknown.
For an ancient forest all but erased by wildfire, it can take centuries to grow back to a similar state. And depending on how that conglomeration of factors plays out, it’s likely that the forest will never resemble its former incarnation. In the interim, different, shorter, more readily observable cycles will be at work. That forest will again hold life, and there will be beauty in the regrowth, just in different, yet-to-be-seen ways. Whatever the eventual outcome, it will most assuredly take time. It’s a process that none of us will see completed, and in some ways, it’s a loop not meant to be closed. I’ve learned to be okay with that.
So I go out and appreciate the things currently happening and anticipate what I know is coming. The countless new greens of spring joining again in concert with the evergreens. Bird calls, both foreign and familiar. Mother Nature seems to regularly take my breath away with the intention of filling lungs deeper.
I am also grateful for wheels in motion that I’m not yet aware of and cycles unseen. Trusting that with every step, breath, day, season, and indeterminate measure of whatever, I am alive and moving forward along with all of it. However slow it might seem sometimes. Make it through another day, collect another sunset, and find beauty in the regrowth.”
Here’s more about the monthly series that meets the first Sunday of each month – the next session will be May 3rd.
April, May, June
Theme: Growth, identity, and becoming
Spring holds tenderness, hope, and uncertainty.
For more information: https://www.griefhouse.org
Follow Adam Sawyer on Substack – https://substack.com/@adamsawyer