By Neal Lemery
This has been a challenging book for me. I am all over the map in responding to it, and trying to process what I have read, and responding to how it has changed my thinking and my awareness. The author has lived life as a male adolescent, as a female, as transgender and as a very aware and sensitive human being and feeling they are neither male nor female but on a spectrum of sexuality that challenges a lot of social generalizations, expectations, and “norms”.
And that is all good, as the writing has led me on a journey of looking at my own biases, expectations, stereotypes, and understandings. This book is honest, often brutal and frank, yet also compassionate, empathetic, and insightful. There are a wide range of exercises and coping suggestions, often written with humor, and kind compassion. This work is brave and confronts a lot of social expectations and assumptions. There’s a focus on readers who are teens challenged with sexuality and depression, but it speaks to all of us, directly and urgently.
I have found it worthwhile to read, though it is challenging to me, intellectually, socially, emotionally, and has led me to take a deep dive into what I might think of sexuality and assumptions about how others live and view the world. This work gives voice to those who are marginalized and shunned, while showing me ways to respect and honor others’ journeys in their lives. And, insight into despair, depression and suicidal ideation. And, thoughtful challenges to what society has expected me to think.
This book is a good, thoughtful, and insightful read, and I found myself taking it in several pages at a time, yet leaving me compelled to return to it, and grow my awareness and viewpoints.
Amazon review:
“I bought this book for my wife as a gift, but read it before she got her hands on it. It’s a vital book, especially at this moment, when news of “bathroom bills” and the resulting legalized harassment and abuse of trans folk who dare to… exist… in public seems to be mounting by the day.
“This book is going to save lives. Maybe it will prevent some suicides from happening–one hopes–but even if that’s not the case, it’s going to change the lives of those who read it for the better by helping readers wade through the mire of things-we-know about gender. It’s going to make us all rethink, or think better… and by that, love each other better.
“Bornstein writes in a clear, relatable way, about gender. I’ve been teaching versions of “gender studies” at the college level for decades now, and I’m going to sit with this book over the summer to relearn how to talk about this stuff. Bornstein makes it very clear that you can talk about very complex ideas in understandable ways without dumbing down.
“Another lesson I’ll take: I cried, like, really a lot reading this. I also snickered, and downright laughed; sometimes I did all three at once. All of this is good stuff, productive for thinking; in other words, the tone of this book isn’t just an extension of Bornstein’s writer persona in the world, and isn’t just about “relating” to teens–it’s a carefully-chosen stance with respect to the material and the thinking. “Real” thought (the kind academia finds valuable) isn’t necessarily best when it’s detached, stoic, and without investment. “Real” thought belongs to all of us who are invested. This book proves that.”
Bookshop review:
“Celebrated transsexual trailblazer Kate Bornstein has, with more humor and spunk than any other, ushered us into a world of limitless possibility through a daring re-envisionment of the gender system as we know it.
“Here, Bornstein bravely and wittily shares personal and unorthodox methods of survival in an often cruel world. A one-of-a-kind guide to staying alive outside the box, Hello, Cruel World is a much-needed unconventional approach to life for those who want to stay on the edge, but alive.
“Hello, Cruel World features a catalog of 101 alternatives to suicide that range from the playful (moisturize!), to the irreverent (shatter some family values), to the highly controversial. Designed to encourage readers to give themselves permission to unleash their hearts’ harmless desires, the book has only one directive: “Don’t be mean.” It is this guiding principle that brings its reader on a self-validating journey, which forges wholly new paths toward a resounding decision to choose life.
“Tenderly intimate and unapologetically edgy, Kate Bornstein is the radical role model, the affectionate best friend, and the guiding mentor all in one.”
231 pages. $17 paperback, $13 e-book (Amazon, Bookshop)
