EDITOR’S NOTE: SHE’S BAAACK!! And yes, it’s been a few years, and a few surgeries and health issues, but you just can’t get a good writer down. Our dear friend and fellow journalist Linda Shaffer brings back Geezer Tribe. She’s fiesty as ever and has plenty of geezer goodness to share with us. As usual, she’s going to tell it like is, sharing the good, bad and the ugly of it all. Big hugs, Linda, and thanks for sharing your geezer wisdom with us.
By Linda Shaffer
OK, I know I’ve been gone for a long time but as we know … stuff happens. In my case, it seemed to happen in spades and over a few years. That doesn’t mean I’m any different than you. The lovely thing about getting old is that we share many experiences and all the good and bad that they bring to us. The trick is being able to accept change.
Change is inevitable, and therefore, out of the control of most of us and unpopular for that reason. It’s not like switching from oatmeal to creamy rice. It sneaks up on us every day and we’re not able to catch it. Let me introduce you to my elephant.
We grew up with the expression, “the elephant in the room”. While it has a history dating back to a fable by Ivan Krylov in 1814, this elephant has been most popular with us. We’re the ones who made it so because, according to Merriam-Webster, this is “an obvious major problem or issue that people avoid discussing or acknowledging.” I rest my case. We are good at this. Friends, we are masters of this art form. There isn’t one of us who doesn’t have an elephant, so we might as well go public and get this over with.
My elephant is the death of my beloved Mr. S. We were together for 45 years. He told me from the start that it was not possible to have too much fun. I believed. He wasn’t kidding. He was a rascal and a good guy and somehow graciously accepted the many years he lived with cancer until he had to die with it. And he did. With the help of End of Life Choices Oregon, he took control of his own fate and his own death day. There is a time when quality of life means everything. He had gone beyond that time and had entered the que for Heaven. During the last moments of his life a ray of sun came out of that January sky and covered his face. It was like a rainbow … only different.
As many of you already know, the longer you live with someone, the more you become part of them. Eventually, you kind of morph into something that becomes one person who is made of two people. Confused yet? Me too. Remember, I’m just an old woman with some theories which may or may not be true. The deal is that when your partner of more than half of your life is gone, you lose your job. Without a job, most of us do not function well. We were the working generation. We took care of things at work and at home. My job was to take care of Mr. S. Of course, I loved the guy and he made me crazy sometimes, but those are signs of a healthy relationship. It was my daily task to keep it that way.
The elephant we talked about earlier lived with us for almost 14 years. Mr. S carried his cancer and I did everything else. Doctor appointments, treatment plans, pills and anything else came to me. He didn’t have to deal with it unless we needed his body for a procedure. It was something like talking a Grayback out of a cave. Nope. Nada. No way. Not gonna do it. Though there were times when we had to coax him over to the Great Valley, he went. We just kept those treatments to a bare minimum. I never thought it would be fair to ask more of him than he could give. I did bully him into taking pills every day. He hated them because he only liked to do things he wanted to do and that wasn’t one of them.
Why am I telling you this? Because I want you to know that for the past six months, I’ve been learning about being alone. I’ve been slowly changing. I am thankful for the love and care of our family and friends. I am thankful for all the memories. I often look into the room he was in and am so grateful we could keep him here until he died.
So, now you know. Part of my changing life is to start writing Geezer Tribe again every week. (EDITOR’S NOTE: YEAH!) I need a job. This one pays nothing but it’s a job. Everybody has to start somewhere. My new roomie is Tigger the ginger and white cat. He has 6 teeth, one eye, a twitching tail and is almost 13 years old. He was described as a “crabby old man.” With years of experience at that sort of thing, it’s a job I couldn’t say no to.
Have a great week my friends.
