By Neal Lemery
Some days, it is a challenge to meet the demands of the day. The to do list seems to get the best of me. The chore list keeps growing, with no end in sight. No whining here. It is time to buckle down and “git ‘er done”.
Many friends and family are being tested with grief, tough choices and the demands of the times. I’m realizing, again, that I am not immune to such challenges and pressures. My life is also a product of our times, and I need to be aware of that, and, as I tell my friends, to “take care”.
Like all of us, I need to be reminded that I can take charge of my life, that I can be proactive, positive, and mindful of my own abilities. I am capable and resourceful.
Recently, a good friend called, simply needing to be heard and cared for. They are depressed, anxious, overwhelmed with life, and not knowing what to do. They talked, I listened, and a plan emerged. Like many of us, health insurance for the needed counseling and medication was a stumbling block, along with the stigma of their emotional state, not being “well”, unhappiness and frustration. We connected, took it step by step, one day at a time, a good model for any recovery plan.
A few days later, they called, sounding a lot better, like their “old self”. They’d taken those first hard steps, one foot in front of the other. A kindly and competent medical provider had listened, made a diagnosis, sorted out the insurance world, found a counselor, and prescribed the needed medication.
I could hear relief in my friend’s voice – a plan, some steps forward, some positive action, and an easing of deep emotional pain and stress. Their needs were affirmed, normalized, and they felt cared for.
Life was better, and had a future for my friend, and they wanted to share their newfound hope and relief in their ability to engage in self care and recovery. They are moving ahead with dealing with a lifetime of trauma and loss, knowing now they have tool, a plan, and a support network. There are people in their life who truly care, and they know that now. Having hope and a plan allows them to move forward, and find happiness in their lives again.
“Resilience is the process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging experiences, especially through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility and adjustment to external and internal demands.” (American Psychological Assn.)
Professionals believe we have a variety of responses to strengthen ourselves and to build our resilience:
–practice acceptance
–use positive reappraisal, including gratitude
–build social connections
–practice self care
–engage in valued activities
–make adjustments at work
–make family and parenting adjustments at home
–limit news and social media consumption
I’d add to that list reaching out to others, being compassionate, being in nature, and speaking out about what I am feeling, what I am needing. We are all in this life together, and need to share both our challenges and the ways we care for ourselves and each other.
This week, like many of us, I was feeling overwhelmed, powerless, driven by storm winds of current events and a summer that has turned hot and hectic.
Another friend commented that on a recent trip to the Redwoods, they wanted to bring some Redwood saplings home, to start her own sanctuary of heritage trees. They weren’t sure how to accomplish that. I like to grow Redwoods, and have long tended to my own grove. I jumped on the possibility of doing good for my friend. Yesterday, their trees arrived at the post office and are now potted up, preparing for a move to their yard when the fall rains arrive. Giving them some much needed water and space for their young roots nourished me, too. It was a wondrous gift exchange on many levels.
And I listened hard and long to a friend going through a rough patch, taking time to hear their story, to suspend judgment, to simply be compassionate and caring.
I took time for some self care, taking an hour to play my guitar on the deck, as the heat of the day eased. The music soothed my heart, and filled some need for “soul time” that I hadn’t given myself recently. I cooled off, both physically and emotionally, feeling I had done something positive for myself, and being resilient.
As a recovering “Type A” person, taking care of myself and making some much needed and overdue changes in my life and in my attitude, is often tough work. I resist change and I resist being mindful and reform-minded. Yet, it is needed work, the stuff that my family and friends (and my medical care providers) keep urging that I do. I need to play more, to take advantage of the beauty and opportunity of an Oregon coast summer.
Books: NEW book – BE THE CHANGE – One Random Act of Kindness at a Time; Neal’s other books include: Building Community: Rural Voices for Hope and Change; Finding My Muse on Main Street, Homegrown Tomatoes, and Mentoring Boys to Men
