By Neal Lemery
“It’s one of my favorite holidays. The only expectations are to be grateful and thankful.”
My friend captured the essence of this week, as we talked about the two big dinners she was preparing for family, and the anticipation of some good conversations around the table.
All the holiday frenzy could wait until next week, and we could just concentrate on a wonderful meal and quality time with family and friends. And, taking stock of gratitude.
I am giving thanks this year for family and friends who are moving into recovery from potentially lethal addictions. The addictions that plague my circle of loved ones and my community are numerous, ranging from a variety of drugs and chemicals, to toxic thinking, poisonous relationships, and destructive, flawed thinking that is contrary to the good values we share and aspire to. Thanksgiving gives us permission to pause, take a breath, and reflect.
One friend recently went back to prison. I’m grateful, because his drug use and his violent rages separated us, and he’s come close to being one of the awful statistics of homeless folks who die in the dark cold of the night, alone and forgotten. Now, he has the opportunity to sober up, explore some treatment, and get his life back on track. And, giving both of us time to mend our relationship and see him move forward in a positive way.
I’m not saying that going to prison is the ideal path. I’m critical of how prison life is structured, often lacking the basic resources for effective substance abuse and emotional therapy and healing. And, we as a state and country are failing in how we facilitate a transition back to the community, and empower people to be kind and productive. Locking people up costs Oregonians about $55,000 a year for each inmate, and we don’t do what needs to be done to be effective. That cost is more than a number on a spread sheet; it is in lost human potential.
Yet, I’m grateful for where he is at. He’s relatively safe, fed, and has access to medical and some mental health care. I know where he’s at, and he has the time and space to get his life back on track.
There’s some amazing work being done to help folks with mental health and other medical issues, housing, food scarcity, and finding a stable place to live. Thousands of caring volunteers and professionals are quietly working to improve and change our response to these urgent needs. That work goes on all around us, and I suggest we all take some time to express our admiration and appreciation for that dedication and vision for a better world.
This holiday is truly a time for service to build a better community. Each of us can do a kind deed, give a helping hand, and give support to those who are working in the trenches to make a better world. Helping someone, one to one, makes a difference. Maybe that’s a small difference, but it is a big difference to the person who is on the receiving end of a kindness.
The evidence for that is all around us.
The advertising industry wants us to believe that Christmas is the holiday for buying material gifts, for being flashy and lavish in our celebrations, that the way of expressing our values involves money and possessions, and extravagant spending. Yet, the true meaning of these holidays is more about our values, our moral stance on what is really important: people.
Our community is rich in ways we serve others, in the ways of a true peace maker, a healer of wounds, of people offering a hand up, of living our love for others. Celebrating that is what Thanksgiving Day is all about.
