By Deb Montgomery
I have a wound. You may have one too. Maybe you have two? This morning I wake up grumpy. I recognize quickly that I feel receded, fearful and self protective. This surprises me. I am not generally an angry person but I locate some very real anger. I feel like a wounded Bear might feel. I am busy tending to my wound and so ready to roar if anyone comes close.
I can see and feel that because of how hurt I feel by someone in my life, I have backed myself into a corner that feels “safe” so that I can tend to my wound.
Perhaps I’m scared that the hurt won’t end? Perhaps I’m scared that there will be no resolve or repair between myself and that person? I’m definitely afraid of that. Perhaps I’m scared because I’ve never felt angry like this before toward someone I deeply love. The family you are born into is the beginning of your longest story.
You were born into the world to be loved well and feel like you belong. For so many of us, this goes awry. We carry this loss. For many of us, we will do anything to belong because, as my friend Will reminded me, belonging is about survival. In the old days, if you did not belong, you’d get eaten by a Tiger. When we experience rejection or we are told that we are not part of the group, the family, the tribe, something in us sets off an alarm. Something in us is shattered. That’s why humans will often do anything to belong.
I thought about how I felt this morning. I decided to write about it and maybe share it with you, because I imagine that you know this kind of place. I’m thinking about you as I write, and I am hoping that you will feel able to take a deep breath reading that you are not alone in your suffering. We all suffer losses. I interviewed Will Irace recently of Northcoast Pinball. Will told me that he assumes that every person he meets is grieving. I told Will that I think that his way of seeing humans is stunningly beautiful. We all carry heavy things.
(Little Ship, From Album Ask for Angels, Apple Music etc, 2005) Give me a sign Give me a way to tell him that it’s not too late for love and everything like that Give us some time Give us a way to find a rhyme Give us the grace to find a space where we will love and turn back time This little ship sinking seems to be We’ve tried so hard, Lord, but she’s taking on the sea Help us see Will you come in? You’ll find the place that’s taking water in and then we will be able to to be free and sail the sea
Deb Montgomery, Singer Songwriter/Life Coach
