By Linda Shaffer
Most weeks I do homework prior to writing. I do not want to give you false information on important topics regarding aging and I do not want my pants to catch on fire. Liars are forbidden in my family though we have had some folks who stretched the truth like well-chewed bubble gum. I hope all families have these characters because they bring great joy along with their stories.
I would like to get some very important issues cleared up this week so that all of us are together in this. As we get older, our ears and nose keep growing, we get shorter and our feet get bigger. I had hoped to bring these issues to your attention one at a time but they are related so we might as well get this over with.
Much of this has to do with Issac Newton, a physicist and mathematician, who was born December 25, 1642. He discovered a mutual attraction between all things that have mass, also known as Newton’s Law of Universal Gravitation. Issac wrote a book and enlightened mankind. I’m sure we studied his accomplishments in school but at this point in my life, I just want to know why my ears are getting so big.
It turns out that there are at least three things causing my already-big ears to get bigger. Newton’s law will tell you that one reason is they are attracted to the earth and the lobes will get longer as they get heavier. Modern science will tell you that they are heavier because those ears of yours continue to add cartilage as you age. They also change shape as they grow and change over time. Some of this is genetic. I am from a family of people with big ears. I saw this coming years ago in faded black and white photographs of family reunions. There was nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. I knew the ears were inbound. An added insult is the pressure caused by glasses and/or in my case, oxygen tubing. Those people gave me all they had to give so the least I can do is be proud of my heritage…no matter how it looks.
Your nose? Sorry, same thing. It continues to grow throughout your lifetime by adding cartilage. Genetics could be on your side if you come from a clan of small nosed people. That just means your nose won’t become a real honker as you get older. I don’t have that luxury. The big eared people had big noses too. Yikes. The good news is that the growth of your nose doesn’t usually affect breathing and those big ears you have won’t disturb your hearing if you still have it.
Now to your height and those feet. It is normal to lose about 2”, or 1/2” in height for every ten years after the age of 40. Most men average a 2” loss. Most women will lose an average of 3” by the time they turn 80. Some of us even more due to osteoporosis or loss of bone mass. Truth is, we lose the fluid between the vertebra in our spine and begin to shrink. Of course, all this could be mitigated by eating right, exercising, a diet rich in calcium and vitamin D, and so much more. No smoking. No drinking. No silliness. For some of us…this ship set sail a long time ago. We currently live in the lifeboat. The rest of you still have a chance.
In the good old days, I was a woman of 5’ and 7”. I wore size 8 shoes. When I went to heels, it was an 8 and 1/2. Today I am 5’ 3” tall and wear size 9 and 1/2 shoe. If Platypus comes to mind, you are on the right track. No wonder I’m a fall risk…so much of me is on the floor already. What makes those feet bigger? Weight increase has a lot to do with it, we know that from Mr. Newton. Natural aging of tendons, ligaments and the breakdown of fatty tissue will make your feet longer and wider. Those tender bones in other parts of your body are in your feet remembering all the things you have done on them and with them during your lifetime. Chances are you danced a few dances. I hope so. Having big Geezer feet is a small price to pay.
Each of us has chosen to use our bodies in different ways and the older we get, the more we are reminded of it. I know people in their 80s who are fit as a fiddle. Those people have earned their good health, inherited some of it and deserve all of it. Some of us didn’t draw those cards but are happy to be from the tribe of the big nose, big ear and bad bone tribe. We may not be models of good health but are just as loved. There is wonderfulness in all Geezers.
Have a great week my friends.
