By Linda Shaffer
Falls are the number one enemy of Geezers. It’s an undisputed fact and one which takes more of our lives than people care to admit. Why? If you fall, you automatically blame yourself for it and even worse may/may not or won’t ask for help. If you fall, your loved ones might blame you for your carelessness. If you fall, you might end up in an ambulance, emergency room, hospital bed or nursing home. That’s when the jig is up. The price tag is up. You think everybody you know, knows you fell and it was all your fault. It wasn’t. I know.
For the record, you are dealing with the queen of falls. I believe I must have fallen out of my mother at birth. She has assured me that I did not. I can go on record with a lifetime of frequent falls, slips, slides and even water skiing and surfing falls that were near-death experiences. These and other sorts of painful interactions with life have proven I am not an expert in falling. It can be noted that I also walk into stationary objects and caught softballs with my forehead as a child. I just keep doing these things and living to tell the story. How this has happened is beyond my comprehension because my body is completely worn out from all these meetings with hard surfaces and painful interactions with nature.
Now when I fall, I can’t get up. My lovely titanium leg is not very cooperative. After all these years of getting back up, I am just like that lady on TV. “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.” I have to talk to a device around my neck or scoot to a phone. I remember when Mr. S and I used to get giggles over that commercial about falling. It was fodder for a lot of jokes and funny moments.
The only funny moment in a fall last week was that Bitey Boy was very, very upset and very vocal, so I called to him because I was able to sit up and was waiting for EMT’s, ambulance and a friend. He came to me, I petted him and talked to him and then he purred and bit me. One big tooth, one little tooth. Two out of six of his teeth…not bad. The bruises on my hand match the ones everywhere else. I love this cat.
Not sure about you, but I have been to physical therapy for fall prevention. I have taken rugs out. I have decluttered. I have practiced steps and tried to avoid fall risks. This is my second ambulance ride since I started oxygen therapy so I like to blame it on that. The truth? I have reached a point in my life where I have to pay attention to every movement I make. I am no longer the woman who could work all day, cook dinner every night and work in the yard on weekends. She’s gone and there’s only one person left to convince. That would be me.
The trouble with getting old and frail is that some of us want to wrestle with it. Like so many of you, my brain is still firing but my body is disabled. This is where falls are born. Last week, I had an epic fall caused by me. There are no accidents in life. Everything can be traced to a series of decisions. Good or bad. I made some bad decisions in a room which we now call, “The Room of Doom.”
This room houses my desk, office chair, computer, files, printer, washer, dryer, utility sink, guest closet, cat food, cat feeder, cat box, etc. It is also my terminal for things which are headed toward the garage. That would include a whole lot of other important stuff. This room is more special because my last two falls have happened in it. This is a central location in my home and a very small space. It resists change. This room never liked my walker and it really hates the combination of walker and oxygen tubing. I thought the office chair was against me, so I replaced it. That wasn’t it.
What is it? Me. Multitasking Linda. The Room of Doom is a place I have created and one that I love. Changing it more than I already have will not solve my problem. I need to learn to focus on one project at a time when I am in there. One thing. One job. One outcome. Me is the toughest obstacle I’ve ever faced. Sometimes, we are our own worst enemy. Get rid of your throw rugs. Stay upright.
Have a great week my friends.