Why we awfulize and what we can do about it.
By Michelle Jenck, M Ed
We waste a tremendous amount of energy thinking about what can go wrong. And I don’t mean little things like being late to an appointment or burning dinner. I’m talking about the human tendency to awfulize, catastrophize, and even pre-grieve. I am no exception. After experiencing the tragic loss of a loved one in my twenties, I spent years worrying about whether my husband or kids would make it home safely from sports practice or a short trip away. Instead of fully appreciating the time I had with the people I loved, part of my mind stayed preoccupied with what I might lose.
Looking back, I can see that this fear stemmed from a natural, protective response designed to prevent me from experiencing that kind of pain again. After all, the nervous system that does not scan the world for danger cannot protect us from it. Think about brake lights in heavy traffic. The moment they light up, our attention becomes focused and our body tenses. That vigilance can absolutely serve us when real danger is present.
The problem is that the brain does not always distinguish between actual danger and anticipated danger the way we would expect. When we have experienced significant loss, fear, trauma, or instability, our nervous system can become conditioned to predict future threats. One problem with chronic anticipatory vigilance is that we may be tricking ourselves into believing our obsessive worrying is helping keep danger at bay. When we obsess over something and the bad thing does not happen, the mind likes to connect the dots and quietly congratulate itself for having prevented catastrophe. In this way, we can become trapped in a cycle of vigilance, worry, relief, and renewed vigilance.
Nicole Sachs refers to these patterns as “mental predators,” which feels fitting because these thought patterns run in the background like malicious software in our minds. They convince us that vigilance equals protection and that if we stop scanning for danger, something bad will happen.
This tendency is both human and evolutionary. The brain evolved in environments where rapidly anticipating danger improved the odds of survival. The problem is that most of the threats we experience today are psychological rather than immediate physical dangers. Financial uncertainty, social conflict, alarming headlines, health anxiety, and endless streams of information can keep the nervous system activated almost continuously.
We can interrupt these cycles with practices like mindfulness, movement, breath, quality sleep, and social connection. Even something as simple as practicing gratitude can help shift attention away from imagined future catastrophe and back toward the reality of the present moment. Over time, the nervous system slowly relearns that uncertainty is not always bad – which is a good thing since uncertainty is inevitable.
There is a strange irony in all of this. In trying to protect ourselves from future pain, we often rob ourselves of the ability to fully experience what is happening in the now. We miss the joy, awe and wonder of ordinary moments because part of the mind is busy rehearsing tragedy that will likely never materialize.
Most of the time, the people we love make it home safely. Dinner doesn’t burn. The phone call is not bad news. So, when we feel that foreboding sense of dread, maybe take a moment to pause and ask if there really is any immediate danger. Consider if the physical reaction you are noticing might be tied to a past experience. If so, you might try a breathing exercise or some other strategy to shift out of vigilance and into safety, recognizing that now is not then.
With an ongoing practice of awareness and redirection, you can retrain your nervous system to allow more joy and peace in your life. How cool is that?
References
Baumeister, R. F., Bratslavsky, E., Finkenauer, C., & Vohs, K. D. (2001). Bad is stronger than good. Review of General Psychology, 5(4), 323-370. https://doi.org/10.1037/1089-2680.5.4.323
Davidson, R. J., & McEwen, B. S. (2012). Social influences on neuroplasticity: Stress and interventions to promote well-being. Nature Neuroscience, 15(5), 689-695. https://doi.org/10.1038/nn.3093
Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). Full catastrophe living. Dell Publishing.
Sachs, N. (2023). Mind your body: A revolutionary program to release chronic pain and anxiety. Avery.
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