By Lianne Thompson
Did you know Michael Burgess, “Uncle Mike,” a beloved writer, editor, community icon, and force of nature? Many of us did. He coached us, his community of writers, in the venues around several Coastal towns where he offered his guidance as we gathered to write, reflect, share, and learn together the craft of writing.
He’d offer a topic as homework, and the next week we’d read aloud to each other to each other the pieces we’d produced. After each person read, Uncle Mike would say, “What worked?” Always, always we began by listening for what worked in each other’s efforts.
Only after thoroughly reflecting praise and acknowledgment did he then ask, “And is there any suggestion for improvement?” First listen and praise, then suggest amendment for improvement. Criticism wasn’t needed or welcome.
“Power is force, unused,” he reminded us, time after time. “What does that even mean?” I wondered. Gradually, my understanding grew over the years of our interactions and experiencing the support of our community of writers.
We used our power of listening to understand and support each other’s effort before we ever attempted to add our own changes. That’s empowering.
Power is when I sit within my own skin, observing my own feelings and thoughts as I listen to theirs. Force is when I’m pushing my way through a situation, running over the top of someone else’s needs, fears, or desires. My internal critic can slay me and you.
Why do I do that? Lack of awareness is the short answer. Mis-placed focus is another. Not being tuned in the moment, missing the here and now, means I miss you, don’t connect with the reality embedded in our interaction.
When I do that, please forgive me. I want to hear you, and I want you to hear me. I want us to pause and take the time to be both self-aware and committed to being aware of each other as we create a powerful and profound relationship.
Who has time for that kind of stuff? I have my “to-do” list, places to go, people to see. And when I don’t do it at the pace it deserves, I betray my best self and yours. When I pause, breathe, listen to learn and to love, then I am being the person I want to be. And I’m listening to you as your best self, that person I long to know. That’s using power.
As we enter the holiday season, there’s a lot coming at us. I hope that we can have the awareness to listen to ourselves and each other. I hope that we can create those profound and loving relationships as we do our work and form an empowering community.
I’m thankful for all the work that everyone does. It takes all of us, working together, to create a community. Life as team sport, as community, is the happiest and healthiest one. Let’s help each other do that. And Happy Holidays!